Subtitles by explosiveskull
They say, if you don't die once,
you can't be reborn.
I tried everything I could to forget what happened.
Last year was the Lolita approach.
But that didn't work.
The pills didn't work either.
And the drugs.
The drugs only lasted for so long.
It's really easy to take action,
when you don't care about the consequences.
Max?
Can you hear me?
Are you trying to get everyone's attention
or actually trying to end your life?
I was just trying to get some sleep.
You're gonna have to do a lot better than that.
There are still so many questions.
I don't know how I'm going to answer them all.
Questions?
About Adam?
I can't help it.
Yes, you can.
What do you want to do with your life?
You're going home today.
Is that supposed to comfort me?
So, what are you going to do when you get out?
Eat some freakin' candy.
And then?
Probably join the circus.
Ooh, and then?
I'm just gonna disappear.
Move very far away from this place.
Can you do that?
I don't know if that is such a good idea.
Maybe you should consult Dr. Quenda about that?
Yeah, maybe I should do that.
Or maybe I just should've done that from the beginning.
Why?
Everything I touch turns to paper-mache.
Geez, Max.
Hey.
Don't tell anybody, okay?
Tell them what?
See you around, Amy.
Could use a little salt.
Salt is not good for you.
You know that.
Anyway, congratulations.
Your mother and I are very proud of you.
Are you talking to me?
Who else?
For what?
For going to Yale at this time in your life.
I don't even know if I got in.
There's nothing smarter than a smart bitch.
Come on, Gabe.
No, you know what, let's toast.
Let's toast.
To us.
One child is crazy and the other is pathetic.
Well at least I'm not a freaking psycho.
You know what, Gabriel.
Will you please shut up!
Just love each other.
You're twins for goodness sakes.
I came first.
Only 'cause I kicked you out.
Hey, that's funny.
Why don't you go pop some pills?
Is that what you do?
That's your thing?
Alright, come on, Gabe!
Stop, stop!
Please, alright.
All I wanted was a nice dinner.
Alright, let's just eat, alright?
Alright, let's eat the dog food.
Then don't eat it.
You cook it, Gabe.
May I be excused, please?
No.
May she be excused?
No.
Welcome home.
Oh God, John,
why are we talking about this again?
We've been through this.
I told you.
I just don't think it's healthy
for her to keep reading these damn books.
You know what the doctor said.
She needs to give them up on her own.
This is not up to you.
Listen, other girls aren't so morbid.
Well, other girls don't have a reason to be.
I got every question right.
I'm serious.
Just look.
Here.
No, no, come on!
Please.
Please just look.
Jesus shit Christ.
And how long were you standing there?
Sorry.
I can't sleep.
What was it like here?
When I was gone?
Hell.
Why do you think I hate you so much?
I don't know.
You're supposed to be the smart one.
Rise and shine.
What do you want?
Mom wanted me to make sure I'm not an only child.
Yet.
Still with the books?
Go away Gabriel.
You're not gonna get up?
Seize the day?
Come on!
Stop!
Seriously?
Who are you?
So when are you going to Yale?
I leave tomorrow actually.
Wow.
Marvelous.
Yeah, it should be very exciting.
Your parents must be so proud.
Yeah, they are.
Congratulations.
Yeah they are.
Everything alright?
Yeah.
Just taking a break from the festivities.
I'm so happy you're okay.
Yeah.
Back to my old self.
So proud.
I could never have done this.
Ivy league!
When I was your age I didn't even know how to speak English.
You learned fast.
Sometimes you have to.
So, you'll come back downstairs?
Yeah, I just need a minute.
You okay?
Yup.
You gotta keep moving on, you know.
You still reading his books?
He was my best friend.
What'd you learn?
What?
Being smart doesn't make you happy.
Well, you're shit outta luck then?
Where are you going?
Feels like you just got back.
I'm sorry, Gabriel.
You'll have to excuse me.
Why?
Why are you going?
Please don't ask me that.
Max!
What?
I don't hate you.
Excuse me.
Can I have a ticket, please?
To where?
I don't know.
You want I should just pick a place and surprise you?
Hello.
One-way ticket to New Paltz, please.
That's a whimsical solution.
Some would say it's bad luck.
Bad luck.
Same as good luck.
It's just shit that happens, right?
Which one are you reading?
King Lear.
What, you're not into it?
I'm just not into kings.
Do you live around here?
Do you?
Yeah, up by the colony.
What colony?
My family is Mennonite.
Mennonite?
Isn't that like Amish?
No, not exactly.
They let you use a camera?
Yep.
Just the old ones though.
What are you?
Me?
Yeah.
I'm nothing.
I'm a student.
School.
Must be nice.
Wow, you walk fast.
My name's Ish, by the way.
So, where're you heading?
Somewhere.
Like?
Somewhere that isn't here.
And that would be?
So, if you're not into kings, what are you into?
I don't know.
Sex addicts, mass murderers and dinosaurs.
So you're a SUNY kid then?
You staying in the dorms?
Nope.
I don't even have housing.
Oh shit, what are you gonna do?
I don't know.
Isn't that something for me to worry about
and for you not to find out?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get up in your business.
Well, you just did, so fuck off.
I know a place you could crash.
I've gotten used to it, but I don't mind sharing.
This is where you sleep?
I don't really like going home
so I hide out here most nights.
My family aren't like other families.
Are you a runaway?
No.
At least not a very good one.
What makes a good runaway?
Distance.
What are we doing?
What are you doing?
Shh, get in here.
Wait, what are we doing?
Shh!
Just wait.
Okay?
Okay.
Alright, we're clear.
Meerkats go!
I make notes in my books too.
These books aren't mine.
You just took that out of your bag.
You wanna know what I'm into?
Yeah.
Whoa.
What, no Hemingway?
What?
All these people killed themselves.
I'm working on a sort of project.
You think very highly of yourself, don't you?
Not as much as I think lowly of others.
Who's Adam?
Some kid I knew.
I see.
He's not into Hemingway.
Excuse me.
What are you doing?
Helping you.
With?
Pulling that stick outta your ass.
Want a bedtime story?
Two households, both alike in dignity.
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene.
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny.
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes.
A pair of star crossed lovers take their lives.
You know that stuff is actually really bad for you.
Whatever.
We're going to Yale next year.
Do you really think that's acceptable?
Acceptable?
Are you a person or are you a sea cucumber?
What?
You never asked me my name.
I was afraid to.
Why?
You're kinda scary.
Do you want to know what it is or not?
What's your name?
It's Max.
Max.
The girl that's not into kings.
Do you have class today?
Yeah.
Can I walk you?
Probably not.
I give up.
No, I'm sorry, it's not that.
My class is in Connecticut.
Why are you here?
Well, you'd be really late by now.
Might as well skip it.
Meerkat.
So, your school's in Connecticut?
Yep.
How'd you end up here?
I just got on a bus.
You just got on a bus?
Yeah.
Aren't your parents worried about you?
No.
They're sort of drug addicts.
Sort of drug addicts?
Yeah. Crack or whatever, so I grew up in the gutter.
I have some stuff I have to take care of today.
Do you want me to keep that someplace safe for you?
What?
Your suitcase.
I mean, unless you want to carry it with you everywhere.
Let me just take some things out.
Are you gonna be okay?
Me? Yeah.
There's some research I have to do anyway.
For your project, right?
Yep, right.
Say meet you in the coffee shop in a few hours?
Sure.
Sounds good.
Wake up.
Well, you don't need to worry about me.
I'm fine.
I'm not gonna tell you where I am.
Gabriel!
Can you please just tell Mom and Dad I'm fine.
That's all I'm asking you to do, I don't...
Just tell them that I'm okay.
Fuck you, Avedon.
Why do you keep taking my picture?
Sorry, you just looked really concentrated.
Yeah, because I was trying to figure something out.
Is this part of that research you're doing?
Can I help?
Fine.
The silence depressed me.
It was not the silence of silence.
It was my own silence.
What do you think that means?
Honestly, I'm not sure.
Is it really important?
Yeah, it's really important.
Okay.
I just...
I just feel like there's some hidden message
that I have to decode or something.
So you're like a detective now?
Have you like been here all day?
Yeah.
You got a problem with that?
No.
Nope, nope.
Is this what you do for fun or are you trying
to punish yourself for something you did in a past life?
Oh, I'm sorry, did you have a better idea?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Look.
This is so.
Come on, let's race!
Ish!
Come on, the sun's going down.
Ish, can you wait?
Nope! Come on!
Ish, I've never been in the woods before!
What? Where are you from?
I'm from Queens.
Queens.
What's so funny?
Nothing.
I like queens, queens are fun.
Let's go!
Come on, you can do it.
I promise.
You can't promise stuff like that.
Yes, I can. Come on.
What is so funny?
You're from Queens and you hate kings.
And now I'm a terrible pun.
Okay.
There we go.
I can't, I can't.
Shit!
What do you want?
I want you to get back up.
Max.
Are you okay?
I'm not good at this.
You give up too easily.
You weren't kidding.
Are you alright?
Yeah, I'm just as screwed up as before.
Shit!
You're a cocktail kid?
I used to be one.
And now you're not?
Nah.
I thought the cure might be worse than the disease.
Max!
Max, are you okay?
Max!
Ish!
Boo!
God damn it!
You scared me.
I have problems sleeping.
I have problems staying awake.
Aren't you awake right now?
Yes, and it's a problem.
What's the best night’s sleep you ever got?
Does it technically count if it was during the day?
Naps count.
I guess it must have been a few months ago.
What was it like?
Like I was living underwater.
People can't breathe underwater.
Well then I guess I must have been a mermaid.
Doctors told me I was dead.
Just for a few minutes.
It would've been nice if I had been gone a little longer.
What is wrong with you?
I just wanted what Juliet had.
Death?
A break.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have told you those things.
No, I'm sorry.
Nobody can know those things about me.
If they knew them then they wouldn't like me.
I like you.
Don't say that!
Why did you do it?
What you resist persists.
I had a dream about my mom last night.
You wanna tell me about it?
Last night, I dreamt I was a little kid again.
I heard screaming and shouting,
and my mom and dad were arguing.
And my mom came out of the room.
She bent down.
Come with me!
Where?
If I walk out that door, you will never see me again.
And I just froze.
So what about your dreams?
I find myself reenacting the inevitable death...
...Of Shakespeare characters in his greatest tragedies.
I'm serious.
Everyone I know is afraid of me.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said you were scary.
No, don't be.
I know what I am.
Do you know that Spalding Grey committed suicide
at the age of 62 after being depressed
for almost his entire life?
I did not.
His therapist asked him, if you were building a house
on a hill, would you look over at another hill?
What'd he say?
Yes.
Always.
Hurry up!
How do you even know where you're going?
It's easy, there's ways you can tell.
Things just look familiar.
It's a bunch of trees, Ish.
Everything looks familiar.
Wait, where are you taking me?
It's a surprise.
Come on.
Some people think Beckett fashioned Godot...
...After God.
So, who or what is God?
Hope.
A savior?
An absence.
Absence, yes.
An absence of what?
I see a new face today.
I don't think Godot represents God.
Well, existentialists like Camus, Sartre, and Beckett,
they all hung out together and
you know, cried about how there is no God.
Not exactly.
So Beckett is saying Godot is God and he's not coming.
No. Beckett wasn't an existentialist.
I mean he didn't even consider himself a philosopher.
That's good to have different opinions, you should.
Anyone else have one?
Ishmael?
I think Godot means something different to everyone.
It's that thing, that ultimate longing.
So, why do Didi and Gogo keep waiting?
'Cause they have faith that it'll happen.
What'll happen?
Whatever's worth waiting for.
You ready?
Do you believe in God?
I guess you must if you're a Mennonite, right?
Do you?
I don't know what I believe.
Ish, I don't think I can do this.
Just try.
Yes!
Okay.
It's okay.
There you go.
Ow!
Are you okay?
Ow
Ow.
You did it.
When I was in the third grade my teacher made a joke
about doing Hamlet as a class play.
But I didn't get the joke, so...
I read the whole thing.
- In third grade? - Mmm hmm.
That's advanced.
Freaked her out.
Why? 'Cause you were eight?
Because I told her I wanted to be Ophelia.
I mean, I guess Ophelia could be like a Disney princess.
Do you ever wonder maybe Ophelia just didn't know how to swim?
I'm happy you're here.
I'm just happy I got out of bed.
For there is nothing either good nor bad
but thinking makes it so.
I have another surprise.
Lollipops.
Special lollipops.
That was good.
What meds were you on?
Same shit as you.
Oh God, how'd you stop?
One day I just replaced them all with Skittles.
I'm on a rocket ship.
I wanna live in the sky.
We're on a rocket ship.
Just think we've only been as far as the moon.
Insane.
What's your favorite place in the whole world?
I don't think I've been there yet.
I've never felt this way before.
What way?
Like at this very moment it's okay
to be exactly where I am.
Wait, where are you going?
On a space mission!
Wait, wait, wait!
Max stop! There's swamps!
Oooooh!
I'm not running after you.
Why not?
Do you really think it's that easy?
I told you not to go back there.
Get off.
Alright, alright.
Okay, okay, okay.
I almost died in the swamps.
That's why I don't go back there.
How old were you?
Like seven, eight?
Something. I don't know.
I don't know, my parents were...
My parents were arguing, so I ran away from home.
The forest patrol found me drowning in quick mud.
What happened when you got home?
Mommy!
My mom left.
Mommy, I love you.
That was the last time I ever saw her.
Do you think you'll see her again someday?
No.
How do you know that?
I know.
She jumped off a bridge three years ago.
Ish, look at me.
Rawr!
Ahh!
So what's a girl like you doing in some woods like these?
I'm escaping.
On the run?
From who?
My circumstances.
So what you're telling me is, you're a wayward girl?
I don't like the world's plan for me.
I keep fighting it, but sometimes it feels like
I'm singlehandedly trying to build Stonehenge.
Max, Stonehenge has already been built.
Come on.
Okay, let's continue our subject from last class.
The subject of faith.
Is faith courage?
Or is it laziness?
Anybody?
I think it's courage.
Hey!
Are you new?
Sort of.
You're pretty outspoken.
So?
So you should probably come to a party tonight.
At the Olde.
What's the Olde?
The apartments.
Four F. 10:00.
It'll be a bunch of free thinkers, writers, poets.
People you would probably get along with.
Can I bring a friend?
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Alright.
10:00 tonight.
See ya there.
It's so bad.
I think I have a problem.
I don't know, commando?
You're an idiot.
Thank you.
I think you need another one.
I do.
Be right back.
What are you doing?
I'm a seatbelt.
See?
Ow.
You're a what?
I'm a seatbelt.
If there's an accident I save you.
Heavy seatbelt.
What if she doesn't want to be saved?
Why don't you let her speak?
Okay.
What do you want, Max?
I just wanna dance.
Oof!
Hey, hey!
Whoa, yo, do not, don't mess with me, dude.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute,
I know you, I know you!
Yeah, no, you don't.
No, no, I do.
This is the yeah!
You're the guy that sleeps in the woods.
I've seen your fucking shitfaced father
get kicked out of like every single bar in this town, man.
It's no wonder that you want to sleep in the library
than that rat shack that you call a house.
Ish.
Hey guys!
This is that homeless kid that creeps
around all our classes!
This is the...
Does that hurt?
Get off him!
Are you serious?
Get them out of my apartment!
Get 'em out!
Get out of my freakin' apartment!
Who pulls hair?
Meerkats!
Go!
Go, go, go, go!
Come on, come on, come on!
Where is the library?
Library's closed, Max.
Ish, please don't walk so fast.
Don't leave.
I won't.
Everyone always leaves.
Tell me about it.
Tell me a story.
Tell me your dreams.
Let us go then, you and I, when the evening
is spread out against the sky.
Indeed, there will be time for the yellow smoke
that slides along the street.
Rubbing its back along the window panes.
There will be time, there will be time.
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.
And indeed there will be time to wonder,
do I dare?
Do I dare?
Are you praying?
I don't pray, I meditate.
Think it's pretty much the same thing though.
I'm an idiot.
Here.
So this is home?
Yup.
This is it.
This is who I am.
It's not how I know you.
I think we find ways to comfort ourselves
by thinking we're not like our parents.
My mother never became what she wanted to be.
Neither did mine.
My dad's an asshole.
My dad's a drunk.
So I can't really afford school
but some teachers let me sit in on classes for free.
Sorry, are you laughing?
I'm glad you're so amused by my misfortune.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I just can't understand why anyone ever pretend
to be a Mennonite.
I thought it was pretty clever.
What are you gonna do when the pills run out?
I don't know.
Guess I'll just have to use some candy instead.
Does that hurt?
Not really.
You have a tattoo?
It's a reminder.
How far your eyes may pierce I cannot tell.
Striving to be better oft we mar what's well.
Do you think some of us are born with a part
of ourselves we'll always be fighting?
What, like some of us are born bad?
Like some of us are born at a distance from our own hearts
and are constantly chasing after it.
The weight of this sad time we must obey.
Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.
The oldest hath borne most.
We that are young shall never see so much nor live so long.
Wait, what about this one?
And when you felt your balance being lost,
you jumped because you feared to fall, and thought,
for only an instant, that was when I died.
That was a life ago and now you've gone.
Who would no longer play the grown-up's game.
Where, balanced on the ledge above the dark,
you go on running and you don't look down.
Nor ever jump because you fear to fall.
What do you think that means?
I think I know.
Really?
Yeah, but can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Is it really important?
Maybe not.
Who's that guy that keeps staring at us?
That's my brother.
Meerkats!
Get off me!
What is wrong with you?
Get off me!
I'm taking you home!
In what body bag are you taking me home?
So you're matching your books to your clothes now?
It's dreadful.
What do you want?
I was sent to bring you home.
Okay, I'm gonna call dad right now.
Don't do that!
That place is not my home!
Dear genetic obligation,
since your disappearance I've been kept
on a very short leash.
I did not disappear, Gabriel.
I just went on a holiday.
Well, holiday's over.
Stop it!
What is wrong with you?
I'm wearing loafers!
Do you have to touch the dirt with your hands?
How did you even find me?
New Paltz Coffee Shop? Really?
You think I'm not even smart enough to use caller ID?
What did you tell mom and dad?
I didn't tell them anything.
I just left.
By yourself?
Why?
'Cause I was looking for you.
Pretend you never found me.
Ish.
This is your brother?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm her brother.
Who the fuck are you?
- Gabriel, he's no... - Me?
I'm no one.
Ish!
Wait!
Come back!
Come on Ish, please.
I can explain everything.
Don't go.
Please stay.
Stay with me here, please.
I can't.
Ish, where are you going?
You can't just leave.
You can't do that!
Stop ignoring me!
Ish!
Looks like you haven't been completely honest with my son.
No.
Not with anybody else either.
I'm sorry!
For what?
For messing everything up.
For doing it wrong!
I'm sorry!
Stop saying you're sorry.
What, does it make you feel better?
I just haven't been the best person lately.
When I was young I thought I was invincible.
I'm just trying to be better.
Better than what?
Myself.
Ish!
Ish, I know you're here, just talk to me.
Ish!
Fine!
Fucking fine.
If you wanna be a coward who am I to make you brave?
Max?
Come on, Dad.
Dad! It's okay.
It's okay, come on.
Let's get you up.
Ishmael, I saw her.
Who?
I saw her.
I saw her disappear into the sky.
Just like an angel.
Like your mother.
Get some sleep, dad.
Max!
Meerkat!
Feeling any different?
At some point did you just stop waiting?
Waiting for what?
For things to get better.
Did you look in the mirror one day and realize this is it?
This is the best it's ever going to be.
That everything good has passed.
You're out of pills.
An innovative substitution.
Although I would have done things differently.
I never wanted you to understand.
Fucking books!
Ish!
Ishmael!
What?
Get up.
What?
Why?
You know, I sat in that corner too when your mother left.
Yeah, I remember.
We were young and we had all these ideas
about what kind of life we'd have.
I guess that's what you do when you fall in love.
So what went wrong?
We were running too fast to stop.
And at some point she just got ahead of me.
So why didn't you run after her?
Because I had to take care of you.
If I just keep walking straight ahead
I'll eventually find my way out, right?
Are you sure?
I'm not.
Well, I'm not the one imagining things.
Fuck you!
Fuck you Adam!
Do you know what I'm doing?
I'm doing everything with him that you
and I never did because you didn't stick around for it.
Why did you do that, huh?
Why?
Why did you fucking leave me like that?
Where's my sister?
Yeah, it's me.
No, I found her.
But then I lost her.
How?
Okay, it's this Adam bullshit, the same as last time.
Collins, what's your ETA?
She buried photos of him in the forest.
How long has she been missing?
I'm sorry, I know!
Collins?
Alive?
Dead?
Alive?
What are you doing?
Trying to see if you're dead or alive.
Really?
This is how you're spending the afterlife?
Torturing me?
Isn't that what love is?
Nothing's going to happen.
Did you really think that it would?
You're losing it... again.
Remember what happened before?
Before?
All I remember is what came after.
If you don't get up you could die here.
Really?
Death not as cool as you thought it would be?
You know you can do it.
Please.
Get up.
You know how I hate being positive.
Get up!
There is only before and after.
I long for before.
But all I have is the after.
Even my dreams are spoiled.
Ahhh!
Max!
Why did you do it!
When in doubt, do without.
But why did you do this to me?
Well, it's easy.
I wanted you to be the last thing I ever saw.
Did you feel stuck?
Yes.
Were you bored with everything?
Yes.
You felt like you were just fucked for life?
Yes.
Even when you were with me?
Always.
Ish!
I'm sorry!
I tried!
Ish!
Max.
Ish.
Who's Adam?
What?
Did you want to tell me about your boyfriend?
Was he some rich pretentious asshole
with a warped literary fascination?
No.
Or was he the coolest guy in school
who all the girls wanted?
No!
Maybe he was the guy who dumped you.
No!
And broke your heart.
He didn't dump me!
Even though you did everything for him!
You don’t…
He cheated on you?
No, he didn't do anything.
Then what did he do?
What did he do, Max?
Ahhh!
Please, no, no, no, no.
No.
He killed himself.
And I found him.
I found him.
He didn't leave a note.
He just left that stupid fucking suitcase full of books.
Like he was going on a trip.
There was nothing left but that.
They're gonna send me home.
Wanna try again?
What?
Where to?
Surprise us.
Subtitles by explosiveskull